When you are in a serious relationship, it is inevitable that you will argue from time to time. But people have different ways of arguing. Some people shout a lot and others become quiet and withdrawn. Neither way is particularly effective. How you approach an argument is essential for the good health of your relationship. Follow these seven principles and you should find that you argue less, and when you do, it will be less damaging to your relationship.
We all experience this unpleasant human emotion; it is a natural reaction when we feel mistreated, misunderstood or are prevented from doing something. If your partner is angry, there is a reason for it. Let them explain their feelings. But don’t let your anger get out of control. This will just alienate people and make ugly arguments that harm your relationship. Conversely, don’t keep negative emotions to yourself; bad feelings are best out in the open so that your partner can appreciate there is a problem.
If your partner is arguing with you, there is usually a good reason. They have a deep need to tell you something. Listen carefully to what they are trying to tell you. It is important not to interrupt them. Let them finish what they want to say. Try to be sympathetic and see the issue from their point of view. You are two individual people, after all, and you have different needs and desires. If you ignore what they are saying, your relationship will suffer deeply.
If you are having an argument with your partner, don’t raise your voice. This will only threaten your partner and they are more likely to be defensive. Talk quietly to show you have control over your emotions; a loud, angry voice will only muddy the waters. Try to find some common ground. Agreeing with certain points they make will take the sting out of the argument.
Don’t bring up issues from the past to use against your partner. This will simply make the argument worse. Concentrate on the current, relevant issue. This will focus your mind on the actual problem and your partner’s concerns. If you bombard your partner with other criticisms, the argument will get out of hand and damage your relationship.
Using hurtful words or bad language will only belittle the other person. Try to explain your position with kind words. Your partner will appreciate you more for being straightforward with them. Never become abusive. After all, you did enter into this relationship because you loved your partner. Give them the respect they deserve.
Avoiding an argument all together is sometimes the best thing to do. Some people start an argument because it gives them feelings of power. Don’t be drawn into this type of harmful behavior. Agree to disagree and say that you will discuss it at a later date when they have calmed down.
The more you talk openly in a relationship, the less likely you are to have an argument. Continually revealing your true feelings to your partner will give them a clearer picture of your personality and beliefs. Learning more about your partner will also make you less likely to start an argument.
With patience, compassion and a little more understanding, you can have an argument that does not harm your relationship. If you argue frequently and are not happy in your relationship, it would be helpful to see a couple’s therapist. Next time you are angry about something, take a deep breath and think carefully. Is having an argument more important to you than your relationship?
